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Monday, June 27, 2011

Are Wives Helpless Against Infidelity?

The Casey Anthony trial may have us glued to our TV's in jaw-dropping shock, but what has us thoroughly disgusted is the nationwide coverage of now resigned Anthony Weiner's twitter scandal. Sending lewd photographs to women other than his wife are definitely going to decrease his #twitterpoints, although Arnold Schwarzenegger probably isn’t disappointed to hand over that media spotlight.

“Men”, such as these, have us often feeling sorry for the damsel trapped in the middle. We wonder, will she stand by her husband or leave the marriage? If she chooses the latter, is she prepared to fend for herself – physically, emotionally, and financially? 

(Photo Source)
 Perhaps the real question is: Should she be?

God intended marriage to be a permanent institution, but things do happen. There are husbands who cheat, walk out on their families, and refuse to support the ones they leave behind. This can leave a woman in a vulnerable and precarious position – how does she take over the husband’s role to provide when she may not have the means or resources to do so?

On the contrary, any woman could eliminate this utter helpless feeling were she to prepare herself financially through prenuptial agreements or separate bank accounts with little or no accountability. She could also develop a “what if” plan, including detailed lists of “who-gets-what”, right down to mortgage and childcare responsibilities. Organizationally, this makes sense, but the real issue is whether or not it’s actually Biblical.

Warnings to Consider

There are three main warnings to heed as you think through this issue.

  1. You automatically plant a seed of doubt in your mind and the mind of your husband.
The more you think about your husband possibly cheating or walking away, the more likely you are to voice your concerns, and the more likely you are to take action and bring to fruition the very thing you want to eliminate. Satan can nurture and grow even the tiniest of seeds; we certainly do not need to give him that kind of power!

  1. You may not fully trust your spouse.
On your wedding day, you made a vow to stay together, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, until death do you part. But if you are worried your husband might cheat on you, are you truly giving him the benefit of the doubt or are you taking the situation into your own hands? You’re right, he might leave, but he might not. Nevertheless, a marriage commitment still stands........shouldn't you trust him until proven otherwise?

One of the characteristics that drew me to my husband was his loyalty. He didn’t have a slew of girlfriends on his track record; he treated his parents with respect; and put incredible effort into his job, even when it wasn’t something he truly enjoyed.  I knew he was, and still is, a man of integrity, and he would commit fully to his wife. (I just prayed it would be me!) Do I still have fears? Yes, but I try my hardest to push my doubts aside and trust him to never leave. 

  1. You may not fully trust God. 
God has complete control over our marriages, so you and I need to stop trying to wrestle the steering wheel away from Him. He has promised to provide, no matter what happens. Remember Abraham? He was promised some pretty big ticket items, and in his humanity, he doubted God. Revel in the fact that Christ is the one man who will never forget you, never leave or forsake you, and will never ever let you down. I call that some pretty amazing love.

I have seen marriages survive affairs, and I have seen many more that have not. Although the women are not always incapacitated on their own, would the situations have been easier had the wife prepared herself for possible infidelity beforehand? Are there any other reasons why we need to be careful when mulling over this issue? I want to know your thoughts!

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 This post is linked to Marriage Mondays at Come Have a Peace


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